January 8, 2016

Man, it seems like the days go by so fast and time flies and before I know it, I haven’t wrote in my blog and I’m playing catch up! I am still trying to form the habit of writing here, but the habit will come and eventually this will be second nature for me! But, I love all the comments and the feedback people give me! Everyone always text me but if you comments don’t be afraid to leave them in the comment section!

It seems to be in recent that a lot of my girlfriends are coming to me with situations with men they are in “situationships” with. My girls are dealing with married men, or men in relationships, or they are in an its complicated were not really together kind of relationship. We as women get caught up in the things we “want” in a man and for some reason we can scream at the top of our lungs, “respect, loyalty, blah blah blah”, but at the end of the day we somehow manage to choose swag and looks over all of that. Or we think we have found all of that, but for some reasons we tend to accept the inconsistencies in the things we deserve.

Today, I had the pleasure of helping a girlfriend that has known a guy for quite some time and has been dealing with him on and off for quite some time now. As you can imagine, this was a toxic relationship for her well being. You would think men in relationships would be faithful, but thats not the case. My girl found herself in the middle of a situation she didn’t deserve to be in. I am here in Florida screaming at the top of my lungs for her to just walk away, I would give her the world as a friend who sI have known for a short amount of time. There is no way in hell she should ever have to answer to this “fuckboy”.

As women though we love to explain ourselves and get the last word in. Why do we as women accept this half ass love? Why do put up with men who we know are not good for us? Better yet, why do we feel we have to answer to man that doesn’t deserve the energy it takes to answer his questions? I know, I know, the better question we would like to have answered is, “why are men such assholes”, but no sense in wasting time on the things we can’t have answered and better to focus on the things we can change.

When I started this blog, my intention was to fill myself up with love and respect, so that when I walked into a room other people could see that radiate from my soul and they couldn’t treat me any other way. I thought hard on ways to help my friends release the toxic energy from her life and I kept coming back to one thing, because I see a lot of myself in her. How much do we love and respect ourselves to keep allowing these things to happen?

Women, myself included will allow men to take our hearts with the look of an eye, or a sweet charming voice, we dwell and bask in that one bittersweet moment and leave the rest as if it doesn’t matter. A man will kick, stomp and throw out hearts in the mud and left to dry and leave us out in the rain to pick up the pieces. Here we are, picking ourselves up, piece by piece, trying to put ourselves back together just the way we were before we met them. In reality, we aren’t the same. Each relationship, each encounter we have with someone will either take or leave something. When we are left alone to sit in our own bitter sadness we usually forget to pick up a piece or two, we even sometimes put the pieces back together stronger and we think were okay, never leaving ourselves time to heal.

How do we allow ourselves to heal when we crave attention, love and connection? Are we masking our want for these connection with another soul because we sit in fear of our own?

I believe there is only one true way to find out. We have to find a love so deep in ourselves that we won’t take anything less. There always seems to be grey areas when loving ourselves, but never when it comes to loving a man. We will bring ourselves down and find ways to degrade our own self love, but will find every way to bring the man we care about into a higher light. I myself am very guilty of this, and it has got to stop. We have to love ourselves so deep and so heavy that we start demanding a new level of respect. This respect can only manifest into the men we begin to meet in our lives.

Dating ourselves may not be the only solution but its a damn good start. Whether you cook yourself a home cooked chicken platter with a nice bottle of wine, or take yourself out to your favorite Mexican place, learning who you are and what you enjoy is key. Anyone can sit and netflix and chill, but it takes effort and time to sit in the movies with someone when you’re still getting to know each other. Whether we treat ourselves to expensive or inexpensive gifts, or writing in a journal telling ourselves how great and beautiful we are, seeing is believing and we need to see these things everyday. When we start to see these things daily and recite them to ourselves daily,there won’t be any confusion on the things we deserve. If a man cannot offer you what you already bring to the table and more, than we already know to keep it moving !

Demanding a new level of respect from within is the only way to achieve it externally. Everyday, reminding yourself you are beautiful and worthy of these things, being kind and patient with yourself is just as important. We can only demand the things we know we are worthy of, if we are aware that we are worthy of them. Tongue twister, but its not as complicated as it sounds. In a relationship each person should be of equal value, but our value should be held into the highest light and if this other person can not love and respect this in the same way that we do, then we should automatically know our next move.

Put yourself at the top of your to-do list every single day and the rest will fall into place –Author Unknown

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