January 14, 2017

It has been quite the day for me. I went to bed with a heavy heart because of a situation, and then woke up with an eve heavier heart. Maybe at this point in my life, I should stop wearing my heart on my sleeve. Yeah, ha. I tried to tell myself that 10 years ago when I was 15 and my heart has only gotten bigger and my sleeves have gotten smaller.

Maybe tomorrow I will have the courage to bring my fears to light and face them head on. But for tonight, that seems almost too much, and I feel too weak mentally to express how I am feeling. I am pretty disappointed in myself, so for tonight I will talk about tonight. Because, tonight was pretty cool.

A really good friend of mine here in Fort Lauderdale gave me 2 tickets to go watch the Columbus Blue Jackets play against the Florida Panthers. I had asked around to see if anyone wanted to go and I was really hoping for one person in particular but that wasn’t my luck tonight. I actually ended up with no one that could go. Pretty upsetting stuff, I couldn’t manage to find one person and I just kept saying over and over to myself all day you’re not going to this game alone, a sporting event, a hockey game alone. Who does that?

I will tell you who. This girl right here. I had to talk myself off the ledge a few thousand times but I eventually managed to get up from studying and get ready. I wasn’t sure what to wear, I wasn’t going on a real date and I had no one to look cute for. I still got cute anyways, even wore some bracelets and a necklace, rocked some natural curls and ran out the door in excitement. Ha, just kidding. I wish thats how it went.

I cried. I cried like a  baby after I got dressed. I can’t remember the last time I got even decently dressed on purpose to go out on a  date with anyone. I had to pep talk myself up off the couch. It went something like this, “you are beautiful, you are strong, you are everything, you can do this”, it worked I guess, cause I got up. I got up after a few minutes and made my way to the door. If anyone knows me, they  know I am a speed demon and can cut an hour trip into a half hour. Tonight, it was so different I found myself driving the speed limit not in a rush to get around the slow cars.

I honestly don’t mind going places alone, like the mall, or to get a coffee but to sit alone in a  sporting event where everyone else has their family, loved ones or whomever was a tough pill to swallow for me. But hey, I made it to the stadium safely ! It was a pretty good game! I got to see a couple of fights which was pretty cool, and witnessed some really terrible dancing on the big screens and learned a little more about the game of hockey so that was pretty cool. Someone even got married on the ice! What a wedding !

I did have thoughts come into my head while sitting there about what other people thought about me, or if I was being stared at awkwardly for being alone, and that is when I started chanting to myself in my head. It seemed to work out okay!  I think it wasn’t until I wanted to leave that I faced another self dilemma. I wanted to go home, but the comfort of being surrounded by all of those people made me dread coming home to myself. I stayed for 5 more minute, then 10 more and that 10  ore turned into 30 minutes where I just sat and took in the crowd. I looked at all the people, and just really did a physical body scan. If you have never had the opportunity to just check out and be in tune with your surroundings I would say go for it.

I stayed off social media and actually watched the game the entire time. I did have some friends texting me throughout and that was nice, but for the most part I was just there. I was able to relax in my chair, found myself laughing at some of the funny people on the screens and tensing up when the game got rough! I experienced a hockey game.

The best part of my night though, was when I was leaving. A guy was standing by the doors and he asked me why I was leaving so early. I told him about my blog and how I was getting out and about on my own. He told me his story and how it was his wife first game ever and he couldn’t get better seats he asked where I was sitting and if I wouldn’t mind giving my one seat to her so she could experience the game in a better way. Lucky for him, I had two seats and they got to watch the whole 3rd period on the floor! Amazing how one kind gesture you didn’t even plan on doing can make your whole night worth it.

Every act of kindness grows the spirit and strengthens the soul– Author Unknown

 

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