January 17,2017

Patience. If there is one thing I work on every day is patience. I demonstrate a high level of patience in my field working with my kiddos. But for me, that is just natural, I love my kids and their families and as much as it sucks to be punched, kicked and bitten it makes me want to work that much harder to help them be more successful in the areas they struggle. I struggle with patience in other areas of my life.

You would think this level of patience I have with kids would rub off on everything in my life. Unfortunately for me, it does not. It takes a different level of concentration, deep breathing and meditation to pull that off. I have mentioned this before, but I really struggle with these control issues and having a fear of the unknown. I do not like to be left in grey areas which sometimes leaves me feeling like I am rushing things, or making things happen too quickly. I ordered a couch not too long ago, and I was in such a hurry to have it and was so anxious I bought the first one I looked at, but had to wait for the weekend to get it. I thought my schedule only permitted for a weekend delivery, only to find out that I was off that coming Wednesday and could have had express delivery. Someone close to me just laughed at me, told me thats what I got for trying to rush everything all the time. They weren’t entirely wrong.

What makes having patience so hard for me, is just the very thing that makes having patience such a virtue. To appreciate something, or really have time to allow yourself to be okay with a decision, you have to be okay with this waiting period. Right now, I am playing a waiting game with not only my career, but my future. There are so many big things coming into my life and I am trying to be patient, BUT IT SUCKS! I always had one person that I would call to help channel my inner patience,¬†something about the conversation made me realize how quickly I was moving and how I needed to relax. Sucks this person isn’t there anymore, but I am doing a pretty damn good job, so if you’re reading this, Thank you!

Today, I practiced patience several times. I had a visitor to my house today that attempted to tell me everything I was doing wrong in my life and where I needed to go. If you know me at all, you could only imagine the stank face I had. Where does anyone get the audacity to tell someone where and how they should live their lives and what is right for someone other than themselves. I like to think that my handle on life is amazing, and the things I am working on are only making me a better human. I just allowed this person to talk,say what they had to say and move along. When men get bitter do they just go around telling the women they wish they had that they are terrible people and need to do better?

After this altercation, I just couldn’t help but to think how this could have affected me if I wasn’t the person I am today. People do not realize how much others words can affect them. You may think you are helping another, but you really aren’t. I am a very opinionated person and do not take crap from anyone but today I had to remember my goals, who I am, where I am going, and what I stand for. Words can only have value if we give them value.

Patience comes in many forms, with other people, things and to ourselves. I have showed myself a level of patience over the past couple of days that have been beyond anything I was aware I was capable of. I have been going through a lot of emotions, which I know SHOCKER! Just kidding, I have so many emotions and I tend to act on them without thinking. To my own surprise, I have allowed myself to sit back and be patient. Be patient with my life and the direction it is going, to be patient with the things I cannot control, and to be patient with handling the ever so many emotions I have been dealing with.

I think this blog really helps with that a little. When I start to get anxious in life, I go back and re read the things I have wrote to remember where I started and why. I remember how far I have come and even though I do not know where I am going, I kind of have an idea and it makes loving myself and being kind and patient that much easier.

I find myself more stable through writing, even if no one reads what I write, it brings comfort. So if you are reading this and continue to indulge in my blog, thank you.

 

–We often want it so badly that we ruin it before it begins. Overthinking. Fantasizing. Imagining. Expecting. Worrying. Doubting. With patience, we can let it evolve… naturally.

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