The weekend came and it has almost passed, and here I am on my couch alone reflecting. I was able to cap my weekend off with some yoga and it was by far the most gratifying yoga class I have ever had in my life. This weekend was full of laughter and fun, but there was also confusion, hurt and unsteadiness. It seems that when times are good, they’re great but when they’re bad their awful. Life is most definitely about taking the good with the bad, right? But its hard to deal with the bad when you were still trying to enjoy the great.
I went into yoga tonight with an empty heart searching for something. I was incredibly sad, taken back and confused. Unsure of where I am with certain aspects in my life, receiving advice left and right, but none of the advice I was getting was anything new. I have heard all of this before. Its all been said before, and here I was stuck in the same position.
I sat on my yoga mat in our beginning posture in child’s pose. My hips far apart resting my forehead into my mat and the first deep breath, I had instant tears. Thankfully, its hot yoga so if you cry no one knows. I have cried before in yoga but never at the beginning before I have even opened my body. I could feel all of the stress, confusion, pain, and feelings of uncertainty in my life pour out in front of me.
The instructor always gives us an opportunity to find our intention for the class. Tonight, mine was strength. Mental and physical strength. I needed to dig deep into myself to push through and allow my mind and body to connect. Not only for the sake of my practice but so I could take this strength off my mat. Flowing, and moving on my mat I have never felt so flawless in my own skin. I have never felt so confident in my abilities as a yogi. I was able to hold some of my toughest postures, guide my movement effortlessly with my breath, and challenge myself mentally to new depths.
My mat was my space to challenge myself to new depths and I did just that. I left behind the fear, the confusion, the sadness in my child’s pose and focused on my strength. When I looked in the mirror I saw someone that I haven’t had the opportunity to see before. As a yoga instructor I like to tell my classes that who you are in this moment will never be again, who you will be in the future will be different than where you are now. I can’t help but to think how much stronger I was leaving that class, and as I continue to carry that feeling of strength and power how I will only get stronger both on and off my mat.
At the end of the class, during our yogi nap, the instructor closed with this.
sometimes we are so busy in our lives that we forget to be still, and allow things to come to us, but rather we force them. We think that because we are busy that we are accomplishing things, but this may not always be the case. Sometimes we are so busy that we allow things in our life that should not be there. We fight to keep them there because we think they should be. If we are fighting to keep things as opposed to letting them naturally be there we are over working ourselves and not accomplishing anything. Allow yourself to rest and be kind to yourself, and once you open up your mind and be still and at ease the right things will begin to come to you, when it is their time
I don’t think that anything has ever hit home the way that quote did. I crave some things so bad that I try to force things into motion, and usually I don’t get anywhere, its sloppy or it doesn’t happen in a manner that makes it worth while. In that closing statement, I found the answer to the fears, sadness and unsteadiness of my weekend. There was strength to be found in my breath and the stillness.
My mind was still. My breath was stable. My heart, my body and my soul were all at peace.