Someone told me today that love is conditional. This someone is someone that is very close to me and holds a large space in my heart. I have so much unconditional love for them and it almost broke my heart a little to read the words.. Love is conditional in a text from them. It made me wonder, who taught them that love is conditional? Who in their life showed them that love is conditional and what I had to do convince them that love is not and should not be conditional.
When I think of love and everything that encompasses the way I love; it is everything but conditional. It is a mix of everything you could possibly feel both good and bad and still being able to look at someone and say, “yeah, you’re still you and I still love you”. When I think of love, I think of the best and all the worst parts of someone or something and still find it brings a smile to my face.
I think the way we are raised and the families we grow up in create this idea of love and puts limits and boundaries on how we learn to express and think of love. I grew up in a large family where both of my parents were and are still together. They were not affectionate with each other but I knew my parents loved each other very much. They weren’t the type to show PDA, but the way my Dad defended my mom, took care of her, and looked at her on even her worse days was enough to write a story about. He made sure she had everything she wanted and could ask for even if it meant he went without.
I didn’t grow up rich, but I definitely wasn’t poor. We had our years of struggle and there were times I could see the pain in my Mom’s eyes from the things we were without, but at the end of the day she had my father and somehow they always managed to make it through and their love only got stronger; despite their shortcomings. My Daddy spent a lot of time away from home with the military and my mom was at home raising 6 kids on her own. She was always faithful and the love that filled our home was unreal. I never went a day where I didn’t think I was loved. I mean, I had my days as a teenager going through hormones where I felt the world was ending, but even at 25 I still have those days. Its inevitable.
I remember as a child every weekend we would go to Dublin and catch a dollar movie and Mexican food. Sometimes we would switch it up and get the buffet. My parents always had a home cooked meal on the dinner table and we sat and ate like a family. Even though it wasn’t always what we wanted to eat, my mom always made sure there was enough for everyone to have seconds. I think my most favorite childhood memory was when we would go to the grocery store at Wright-Patt Air force base and stock up on months worth of food. All 6 kids would have a shopping cart and it was a team effort to get everything we needed.
I know a little about how this person was brought up, not enough to know their idea of what love is or how they feel but when I try to put my feet in their shoes and understand the phrase
love is conditional.
I just can’t.
When I hear love and conditional in the same statement, I think of someone only talking to me when I am at my best and not accepting me at my worse. When I think of all the things I love and why I love them I couldn’t imagine putting boundaries and limitations on them. I love yoga even when I dislike it, I love pizza even if I have to pick the toppings I don’t like off. I love the sunshine even if it comes with 95 degree humid heat. I love the beach even if I get sand in places I won’t mention.
I think the only way to show someone true unconditional love is by actions. When life is in the pits for them, love them. When life is glorious for them, love them. Love them so fiercely that they will question why you do. You can just shrug your shoulders and say its unconditional love.
Everyone deserves to be loved unconditionally.