It is crunch time here in the Land of Oascha, and as I am preparing for my exam and considering some life changes I haven’t had much time to write. But, here I am on my study break. I had to make sure I took some time to write today for a friend of mine.
I often struggle with wanting to help people, and being an emotional support. Especially when my spirits are high. I am usually in a place of highs and lows and struggle with emotional stability, but so far the last few days have been incredibly stable and I am full of positive life and energy. I want to rub that off on everyone I encounter and want to be this little ball of light everywhere I go. Its confusing and hard for me to understand at times when people don’t want that, especially when they are down and going through high emotional times. I am this person that reaches out for support and love and want to feel connectedness, and when I don’t get that I begin to shut down.
A friend of mine, whom I care very much for is going through a loss of family and I wanted to be there for him in the ways I knew best. I wanted to hug him, bring him food, and fill his world with so much love and positive energy. But, thats what is right for me, and its obviously not what works for him. Allowing people the space they ask for when I feel loving them is essential is hard for me. That sounds incredibly childish and selfish but its in my nature to want this unconditional feeling of love and I automatically want to give it because assume others are the same way.
I am used to speaking to my friend everyday and seeing him almost every night, but today was the exact opposite. I haven’t spoken to him and I don’t really know how he’s doing. To sit here and say that my mind is not everywhere thinking about him, I would be lying. I have distracted my thoughts with studying and working, but I had to make sure I took some time tonight to ask for healing and prayers and energy, whatever it is that you send or do to send love, please send some to him and his family as they battle through these times.
I have sent so much love and energy and I can only hope that those I surround myself with and those that read my blog lift them up in spirits as well. Since I cannot be with him physically, I hope my spiritual presence is felt.
–Grief is a nasty game of feeling the weakest you have ever felt and morphing it into the strongest person you have to become <3.
Sending all of my love and energy to you.