Have you ever woke up after a peaceful night of sleep, look around at everything life has given you, and thank the universe for the way it has turned and rotated, to bring you where you are now? Yeah? Well thats me, continuously over the last 6 weeks. I moved back to Ohio from Florida and so many people have asked, why? I have wanted to share why I moved to Ohio and write about so many things over the last few weeks but I wanted to talk with the person that matters the most before I just opened up about my life and continued to write in the fashion I had been. I had the necessary talk I needed and my blog continues.
I guess I will start from the beginning. I was seeking to make a change in my life. Living in Florida was beautiful and exciting, but at the same time living that far from home and living in a place where I didn’t feel I belonged was tough. I had friends, but not like I had in Ohio. I spent 80% of my time alone, and the other 15% at work and 5% doing leisure things with, said friends. I wanted to be close to my mom and my family and be a decent drivable distance from everything, I loved. I was seeking a change and wanted to be close to home but not quite home. I was looking into DC, and even had accepted a job offer in DC. But something in midst of this didn’t feel right and life had other plans. So, here is where the story takes an unusual turn.
Back tracking to when I was 15 years old. I snuck out of my house and went downtown with some friends where we had access to a hookah lounge called 1001 Nights. Some of my best memories and friends came from this time in my life. One night, at 1001, I saw this extremely attractive black guy sitting at a table with some friends and me being the young and perky 15 year old that I was, had to go and make myself known. Of all the men at this table, I couldn’t keep my eyes off of the 6’5 cute dimples, and big headed man named Jason. And, when I say big headed, I mean HUGE. Nonetheless, I wanted his number and I got It. I realized tho, that being 15 meant that nothing could ever come from this except being his friend. After he found out I was 15, he definitely fell back, still communicated with me, but on some real friendly type stuff. I couldn’t blame him, I was underage and I could have gotten him in trouble. The years passed through high school and I very rarely spoke to Jason, but each time I went to Columbus I thought about him.
After high school, I immediately fell into a relationship that lasted 5 years. I stayed in contact with Jason through this relationship but just friendly conversation. I believe Jason had a relationship as well. It was after my breakup that Jason started popping up again, but not often and mainly in text. Small talk here or there and random conversations. I always had a complexity with Jason. I had this man that was so handsome, tall, seems to have a good head on his shoulders but he seemed “too soft,” for me. I never saw him as anything more than a friend, yet I was attracted to him. I have to add the story of BBR, or Jason will murder me. So, there was one night I had met Jason at a bar and he was giving me attention, but I think maybe I was inebriated, and left him in the cold. He started giving other girls attention and I was not having it. I got mad at him, and walked away in anger and I think I even yelled at him. Yeah, laugh at me all you want. I have faint memories of the night, but he said he remembers, so there is the story.
The communication was random from then on out but we always kept in touch. After I was raped, had been through a year of therapy, I made the decision to move to Florida. Jason and I had a coffee date, at a local Starbucks. We sat and caught up, talked a little, and I remember looking at him and thinking to myself, how lucky I was to have him as a friend. My move to Florida happened and our communication was very frail over the next year. Jason had reached out over New Years and mentioned he was going to be in town for NYE and invited me to spend time with he and his family. It wasn’t even a question, I went and spent New Years Eve with Jason. We did the dinner thing, and watched the OSU game and then watched fireworks, off the ocean. I fell in love with his family and something had sparked inside of me that opened a new feeling for Jason. In Jasons hotel room he got on one knee and proposed to me. Like cinderella, I left a glass slipper behind and took off. I was scared, had no idea how to respond to that. I was his friend, we had never kissed, rarely saw each other. I have never told him, but a part of me wanted to just say yes, not just say, but scream YES, and see what happened. But, timing, everything happens for a reason.
We continued to talk from that day forward and our communication had picked up. I was going through some of the toughest times in my life. Struggling financially, trying to get ready for my boards. Jason was there through all of it. He was my rock, the one person I looked forward to talking to everyday. We face-timed everyday, text every night. A part of me wanted Jason, but other parts of me kept saying he’s just a friend, one of your best friends and it wont work. We both still dated and talked to other people during the time I lived in Florida, because we were just friends. I remember having a conversation with a girlfriend and telling her, I love Jason, and I want a man like Jason, someone that is good to me, listens to me, cares about me. She asked, why not Jason? All I could think was, were too close of friends, we’ve known each other for 10 years, he’s too soft. I compiled every reasoning I could think of for it, to not be Jason.
The biggest exam of my career and of my life, Jason had the password to my portal and told me, I passed. The person who kept my spirits high when I wanted to die in my little studio apartment in Florida, was Jason. My go to, ride or die phone buddy, was Jason. Anytime I tried to go on a date or talk to another man, I compared them to Jason and no one could ever match what he is.
I talked to Jason about moving to DC, and he asked why there. He talked through the decision with me. Then he asked me, why DC, why not Ohio? I talked to him about how afraid I was to move back to Columbus and get into a routine or do the same things, I wanted different. I wanted growth. He had also asked me, what about our friendship. He basically said, but in not these words, what about us, you’re not going to move to DC and expect this friendship to sustain and not grow. He wanted growth within us. I did too. But,I was scared. For all the relationships that have failed, for losing my independency, for having someone I cared about so much and possibly losing them as a friend if “we” didn’t work. I had been single since I was 21.
Something inside of me, was screaming. HE WANTS YOU. MOVE. DO IT. You love him, give this a chance.
I emailed the DC company, pulled my acceptance and I put the motions into place to move back to Ohio. I hadn’t made any plans on where I was going to stay, didn’t have a job. I just felt in my heart and with my soul that this was the right move. The excitement I felt in my heart was overwhelming. It felt like the days leading up to my leaving just dragged. I was nervous. Jason and I decided that “we” were going to happen, and the largest part of my move was for us.
I arrived early in the morning and walking through that door, was one of the best things to happen to me in 2017. Life started to fall into place. I landed an in clinic job, with great salary and benefits, I am close to home, and I have him.
My blog has been and still is about me dating myself. I have learned through this blog and through my experiences what it means to be, strong, independent and self-fulfilling. This journey with Jason will only add to the experiences of forever dating myself while also, continuously and forever dating him.