We took a yoga class together last night. Of all the things that we could have been doing, or should I say, you could have been doing, but you chose to take a yoga class with me. A hot yoga class at that. Lately, it seems that we cannot agree on a lot of things and I’m realizing our views on most things can be very different and we just agree to disagree. I used to ask a lot of questions when I was younger, in regards to relationships and love and how to make something last and my mom would always say, “Ascha, sometimes it doesn’t work like that,” or I would get the, “its just not that easy, Ascha.”
As an adult, madly in love with my best friend, all of these short, loaded answers make sense. Sometimes, when I want to walk out of our front doors and never come back, I realize its not that easy, because thats not real life. We don’t get to walk away from someone we love because we don’t agree on the same things, and I love you way, too much to ever just walk away and never come back. When I want to make you agree with me and see my side, and I get frustrated because your point of view isn’t similar or even close to mine, I realize, it doesn’t work like that. All of these things are okay, and at the end of the day, I love you more and more because you are true to who you are and are not easily persuaded by the voice of someone else (even tho sometimes, your views on some things really frustrate my emotional core).
Before every yoga class, the teacher will ask you to set an intention for your practice. I know sometimes you just go to things to make me happy and so I was curious if you had set an intention and what it would be. Nonetheless, I continued with my intention. My practice was dedicated to opening my heart and my mind to all of the things coming my way within and between us as well as practicing forgiveness in myself so I can better allow this concept to pour over into our relationship. I want to open my heart and my mind to all of the possibilities and things that you view as important and all of the adventures we embark on throughout the years as we grow. Sometimes, as you know, I have jaded opinions about some of the things we have talked about because of my experiences and how I have grown throughout my journey. I think daily to myself, how can I accept all of this better and support my human. I don’t know if you see it but its happening and happens often.
I still harbor some emotions of past situations in which I feel I was hurt or misunderstood and have been working hard on forgiveness. This is something we have spoken on before, and even though I have stopped outwardly showing emotions and voicing my opinions on these things, they are still there. My insecurities get the best of me at times and I start to have a silent resentment towards this hurt. Last night, I focused on forgiving myself on my mat and imagining how this would look when my insecurities arise at home and how to practice forgiveness in these are as well as other areas of my life. Although, I know this act of forgiveness does not happen in one yoga session, or over night, I am continuously working on this. Working on forgiveness towards myself first, then those who have wronged me, and bringing this to my mat and working on it internally is the best place I know to start.
During my toughest moments last night (cause you know how hard that class was), I looked over and saw you, my best friend. I saw my human, sweating and trying his hardest. Hearing your breath and how you were working and trying your hardest to connect it to your movement and get into the poses, made my heart melt. There was something about being with you in a hot yoga room, sharing a space connected by the same practice and sharing the breath and movement that made life seem so simple.
Its never that easy, and it never works like that, but with you it makes it all worth it. Thank you, for coming with me. I appreciate every yoga class of mine you take and I appreciate and love every yoga class we take together, side by side.
Your intention for practice last night was, to give it your best effort and to leave your stress on your mat.
Everyday, I give you a topic to write a haiku and today’s topic was yoga.
Have you ever seen
Your problems drip from your face
And land on your mat?