Its been awhile.
I think that is the best way to start this blog. So much has happened and not happened since I last wrote. I have had bad dreams, good dreams, success, failures and everything in between. I find it super hard to write, let alone find the time to write. I have lost sight of my vision for my blog and it makes me really sad. But I realize how important it is for me to sit down and enjoy my own company and my own thoughts.
Have you ever been so hungry, that you order one of each of your favorite things off the menu, only to realize that after the first few bites of one thing you wont be able finish all the others? You kind of push them off to the side and hope you wont forget about them getting old in the fridge. Yeah? Okay, well that is me, right now. I want to do it all and I want to make everyone happy, but I realize that I have to always do what is in my best interest and take care of myself in the best ways possible. And for today, avoiding all of my problems is the best way to make that happen.
I want to take today’s blog and my first blog back on the scene to talk about the joy and happiness in my life. Jason. This past week was a rough one. I was pulled over in Columbus due to a suspended license and registration, and was forced to park my car until further notice. After sending my tags back to Florida, getting driving privileges back I thought the worst had passed. I was soooo wrong. I was in over my head in a lease that had a lot of negative equity, a car that couldn’t be registered in Ohio until it went through a ring of obstacles. I was in tears all of last Friday, and woke up with the puffy eye on Saturday. Head hurt, eyes swollen, I was this absolute mess.
Jason, was there. He sat with me in the car dealer and helped me deal with every process and step imaginable. He came up to Columbus to visit his friends and ended up being my support through this mess. He sat with me from 1PM-7PM in a car dealer where NOTHING happened. I was so frustrated at everything around me that I forgot my kindness and appreciation. The one person who deserved my smiles did not get them, but he still tried to make me smile. Because of my constant mood swings, I don’t handle life altering changes well. It is a flaw that I am learning to tweak and make into a better skill. I don’t think I would even be able to develop such a skill set without, Jason. Even when denied my smiles, or I had my angry face he kept telling me that everything was going to be okay, and we were going to make it through. He was positive. I couldn’t tell if he was just so strong because it was not actually happening to him or because it was his true nature.
Anyone that knows Jason though, knows that is just his true nature. Only few things in life set him over the edge, i have witnessed a few occasions. But outside of those very rare occasions, he is a glass half full. I didn’t have a car for a better part of last week, and this man got up early to take me to work and showed up at my job on time every evening to pick me up. He has a full time job of his own so the stress behind making it to all places on time made me cringe. Nonetheless, he did it.
I had to drive back to Columbus at the drop of a hat to get into a new vehicle and out of my old one. Jason drove me to where I needed to be and stayed with me the entire time i was there. I cant say I have had one person in my life that has shown me love in such a way. All of the hassle, and headache, and time consumption. But he never made me feel like a burden.
I know that when he is with me and things happen that cause my brain to go into mass chaos, that I can look to him and depend on him to calm and settle the loose ends. I know that I don’t ever have to question the amount of love he has for me, because he shows it in effortless ways. I admire him in ways he probably does not know, because I consistently try to give him a hard time about everything =). Its all love, but in a good way. Because of his consistent voice in my ear telling me he loved me and we were going to get through what ever happened, I was able to ground myself and make what I wanted to happen, happen. Here I am, in a brand new 2018 RAV4 Hybrid, a valid license, and a better outlook on a life altering situation. There is always a solution, it just cant be found if you are in a panic.
If you had asked me 11 years ago…. if Jason was going to be the person that brought the heavy tides of my brain to come to a slow calm whisper, i would have told you, you were crazy. But I am glad that he is.
He is my person.